Tuesday, January 1, 2013

F***ked Up and Not Writing

Am I not writing because I'm messed up or am I messed up because I'm not writing? I don't know what I thought would happen in the holiday but not this. I haven't looked at a manuscript - I've written a few poems on fb but because there has been no school for nearly a month I haven't really gotten down to it. I haven't sent any out and I did intend on doing that. As for Bright Angel - it sits untouched and has for about three weeks.

It could be the constant stress of the living situation (no real home for four months now), my sweet patootie has to have an operation scheduled in the next couple of weeks but we don't know when, the grief at knowing I will be leaving this landscape that I love to go to a home I don't one bit even like. Not sure but usually my writing pulls me out of these doldrums and into a better place. Not so right now. Or rather I'm not allowing it to do so. So, with the reminder that this is a fresh new year I'm going to make some plans and share them with you on this blog - I'm going to set my intentions and see if that helps.

Here goes (in the form of Kaizen - go to this former post to read about small changes that do not frighten the sleeping gorilla)


Poetry - What small thing can I do to further my poetry practice?
I can have a look at the six poems I handed in (reworked ) at the end of my semester and choose three to start sending out. I'm not sending them out yet - just getting ready to do so.

Bright Angel - what is the smallest thing I could do to finish my revision of this novel? I could work for half an hour a day on it.

Other novels - ignore for now until BA is done. Otherwise I feel overwhelmed and do nothing. Yes!

Blog - what can I do to re-enter my blogging life? I can go back to just making sure I do three posts a week and not worry if they are long and wondrous - just keep them short and pithy. (thought making them short is sometimes harder so we'll see about that ;) )

Health (as that is important to my writing life) - sit five mornings a week for at least ten minutes. Do physio therapy exercises three x's a week and start back to the gym when I have a spare moment.

Hope you are all doing well and not stuck in third gear! Here is a gratuitous photo for your enjoyment. I took it dawn on my solstice birthday.


14 comments:

Sophie said...

i like your "this is what is, now what am i going to do about it" outlook Jan. list making is happening here also. xoSophie

sue said...

Kaizen is a good approach! I'm so glad you shared your experience here. I've hit a brick wall emotionally and it's reassuring to know I'm not alone, though I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I hope your list helps and that the challenges you foresee aren't as gloomy as anticipated. The grief in leaving a landscape you love is unsettling - I hope you find some comfort in the beauty of your photos and poems.
Sue

VR Barkowski said...

I'm a firm believer in the Kaizen approach. Small behavioral changes can add up to big changes, while big changes usually add up to failure. Don't be so hard on yourself. If your heart and classwork are with your poetry right now go with it. Getting some distance from your manuscript may be exactly what you need before you jump back in.

Wishing you a peaceful, productive, succesful 2013!

~VR Barkowski

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

I'm so sorry, Jan! That's a bunch of challenges (and big ones) to deal with at once. I think your approach (small changes) makes a lot of sense. Don't be tough on yourself for not writing as much...you've got a great plan for moving forward and each day is a clean slate!

Margot Kinberg said...

Jan - I can't tell you how much I admire your attitude about reflecting on where you are with your writing and what your plans are. It's so hard to keep on going as a writer and doubly so when one's under the kind of stress you are. I hope this turns out to be an easier year for you and of course I wish your special guy an easy time with his operation. Lots of positivity heading your way...

In the meantime, hang in there and keep going. Step by step.

Jan Morrison said...

Thanks all you great babes! Yesterday I wrote - today I will too. Maybe I'm just walking along side the horse but soon I'll be up there riding away. Your words are TREMENDOUSLY helpful.

E.J. Wesley said...

Sorry to hear about the troubles Jan. The writing will find itself once the other stuff resolves. As you say, health and living stability usually have to come first.

Wishing you more of both in 2013,

EJ

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Sorry you are in a place of, well, stuck and uninspired. Hope the small changes help.

Chary Johnson said...

I love that you made a plan to get over the blahs. I need to do this. Thanks Jan!

Pauline Wiles said...

Your small steps sound ideal, to help you plod along until you feel more like dancing. Something else that works for me is the "just 5 minutes" approach: tackle something you don't want to do... and after 5 minutes, if you want, you can stop. Apparently, after 5 minutes, we usually find the momentum to keep going.
I was pleased to read today's post that you are feeling a little better. Beautiful photo...

Hart Johnson said...

I think living in limbo would DEFINITELY do it. I would hate having my habitat up in the air. It always takes me a little while to settle in. You know the only place I can write besides home? A bathtub. Any bathtub with a wide enough side... Do you have any type of thing like that? A cozy chair or old desk... or tub? Just something that is the SAME wherever it is...

I hope SP's operation goes really well and isn't too frightening. You will get it back, sister. Just hang in there.

Ciara said...

I'm sorry you are going through so much right now. Try to fit that gym in, it should help make you feel better. Even if you just walk for a bit. I hope things get better soon.

alberta ross said...

small steps each day can aceive a lot - when my health failed and the gard vanished under a wealth of 'wild flowers' (my friends call them weeds) I found that doing 15-20 mins a day made a huge difference in just a couple of weeks - look after yourself and think kindly about 'you'

Liza said...

The holidays and all the other disruptions, worries can take a toll. I hope you are able to get back at it. Baby steps...that all it takes, right?