I might be a bit cranky. Retail therapy doesn't work for me anymore which is a very good thing but should buying jeans be so difficult? I came home today and told my sweet patootie of my trials and he suggested that I should shop for men's jeans - I said they aren't shaped right - and he said "you wear mine" and he's right damn it. He is so often right. But not.
So Gap, American Eagle, Envy, Banana Republic , Mark's Work Warehouse- fie on you and other stores I can't remember. I am nearly six feet tall. I'm not fat - more round than when I was 17 but not fat - size 12 near as I could figure out today - but today I found out that I'm wrong in every way. Hardly any of you carry jeans that do more than graze the pubic bone. Trust me when I tell you that many of us do not want our bellys in the air. Nope we don't. So that cut out a lot of you because all you had was low-rider and extreme low-rider and the occasional 'just below the belly-button' . Who's belly-button? My belly-button is a splendiferous thing - it is not a tiny knot or 'not'. Enough of that.
In one store the woman said "oh yes, we have classic cut that comes to the natural waist. They are called Darlenes ." I say will they cover my belly-button - she says YESSS. She nicely helped me find the right size and sent me into the change room. Right on the label after I had my own pants off I saw "sits below the waist". I tried them anyway - urgggh - uncomfortable ugly things. I went out and told her and she said I SWEAR "Yes I told you that they sit below the waist." I then said "thanks for your help. I am now crankier."
Then I gave up and went to Sears. Have you been there lately? GAWD. There is no-one to serve you except in the smelly perfume and make-up section in which there appear to be millions of strange alien women. You MUST walk through that section to get into the huge barnyard area of various designers with NO help. I found the section called Land's End. I was excited. I love them and they carry all the right sizes in the catalogue - super long, super high-rise but unh unh. Not in Sears. "No, we have no longs - try the Levi part of the store - I think it is over there." Yep I found them no thanks to anyone but me and my bestest friend. I bought a pair called Lois which is such a bad name for jeans but they are high enough and long enough and even though they have a bit of stretch they don't have tummy control or elastic bits.
I'm satisfied. I'm going to set up a therapy room at the mall for all the malcontents I met working there. Must be a better life. Now I'm going back to only buying second-hand clothes and hardly any.
and then my pal and I went and ate in the food court - and laughed ourselves sick as is our want. K. ate a sensible salad with a water- I ate a teenburger, onion rings and a root-beer. Guess which of us is petite and can find jeans????