Monday, January 9, 2017

Post flu, post Trump, post post

Wowza! I usually save that word for things that really knock me off my feet beauty-wise. But I now offer it to the flu spirit. Wowza - you knocked me down and kept me down for three weeks. You kept me from celebrating my birthday, the birthday of Bodhisattva Jesus, the Gregorian New Year and a few other things I don't remember. I am the only person I know who came back from holidays having lost twelve pounds. And that wasn't from nausea or any of that nastiness - just no appetite. No appetite for any food - not even my go-to sick food (bowl of rice with butter, salt and pepper) or even ginger-ale. No appetite for anything - not for reading or watching or sleeping. Nada. No appetite for life at all. This flu, which seemed to be mainly a cold and cough, came with a terrible malaise. I have a very new and strong respect for those who suffer from depression. I don't know how folks make it day to day - because one has no energy to change, or belief that one can.

On the up side, I'm loving feeling good. Well, feeling good within the limits of this hip pain. That I know will end. Just get me that new Barbi-doll hip and I'll be back roaming the woods and shore. But truly? If I was told that I either had to have the hip pain for the rest of my life or bouts of depression, I'd take the hip pain (as long as I could have my current medication that is).  I have buckets of energy and just a true appreciation for feeling good enough, that is making each day easier. We have a new gang at work (I work at a residential treatment centre) and I can't wait to get to know them. I am excited for my days at the school on the reservation (Wednesdays) and am also glad for small accomplishments - I cleaned the fridge on Saturday!!

In my writing life I have little to report except feelings of optimism. I'm still waiting to hear back from some folks on Bright Angel and have another set of query packages to go out. I really want to get Crooked Knife finished and polished and ready to go. I have a hunch about that book and I want to check out if I'm right. I also want to compile a manuscript of poetry and photos I've done since I've been in Labrador and see if I can someone to look at that - or self-publish it.

I continue to do a digital painting with writing daily on fb and not sure if I need to do anything about that or just enjoy the discipline.  here's one from a few weeks back. I find that my art has gotten darker since the election. Like Princess Leia said "take your broken heart and make art". It is healing and others seem to get something too.

The river, the ice, the skates - sure, she had them, but the desire to skate away had flown.
 Maybe skating in slow delicious circles was her way now.

So that's me for right now. Feeling better, trying to stay on the up, creating and healing. Howzaboutyou?

1 comment:

Margot Kinberg said...

Glad - so glad - to know you're feeling better, Jan. Really happy about that! And I'm also happy you're keeping yourself creative with your art. I think doing things like that helps us tap into all our creativity.