Thursday, April 28, 2011

X Chromosome - the abcedaria of a writer

X Chromosome - if you only have one, you poor thing, you're a guy. If you have two, then you my friend, are a gal!

to the gals ~ It is important to remember that we, we gals that is, aren't missing a Y, we've got double of the good stuff. So when guys come whinging around saying they're better because they have a Y - you just jump up and say "we don't want your stooooopid Y - we have double kisses - you have double nothing!" Remember Y is for Y-front, and X is for kisses, and Jesus, and where the treasure is buried. They are JEALOUS. But best not say anything, just give them that quiet Mona Lisa (double x there!) smile and that will be enough said.

to the boys ~ no point getting all huffy and righteous about it. You can't make babies and I'm sorry about that but it isn't my fault. And yes, it is true you can't find anything. Ever. And. That. Is. Tedious. But again, not our double x'er's fault. Just suck it up, buttercup. And hope that on your next life, you'll get to be a woman and not a cockroach or another guy or something.
Now, as to writing, here is the thing when it comes to this chromosome business. It doesn't matter. Wally Lamb proved that for once and all. We can all write for each other - boy, girl, boy-y girl and girl-y boy. So when you're writing and someone (like your partner who might have a different number of x's but I'm not saying necessarily) says 'how will you get the voice of a woman/man when you're not a woman/man - you just answer, as sweet as you can be, "doesn't matter, honey. How about that b**wj*b I promised you and that will be that. Because you don't want to talk about it. It'll hex it - it'll put you off your game. You'll lose your mojo. You need to have the confidence that you can get that voice otherwise you'll be second-guessing all your characters - how can I write about the past when it is the present? Or - how can I write about a rich person with towels and everything when I'm a writer and have to use my mother-in-law's thread-bare ones that don't really towel when that's all they are supposed to do? And like that. And you'll be crazy. So just distract your partner with brownies or other delectables.

And that's all you need to know about the X Chromosome dilemma. Really.

17 comments:

welcome to my world of poetry said...

A good letter X post, enjoyed it very much.

Have a good day.
Yvonne.,

welcome to my world of poetry said...

A good letter X post, enjoyed it very much.

Have a good day.
Yvonne.,

sue said...

:P Very good!

Margot Kinberg said...

Jan - You're so right about the need to just use your voice and keep going. I love it!

Rae said...

If I ever really find my voice, I don't care if it's man, woman or ape! I'm just going to be happy I've discovered it!
Love the part about the towels! Funny, but so true!

LTM said...

hilarious! What a great post--I enjoyed it very much. So THAT'S why hubs can never find anything... :D <3

Hart Johnson said...

Oh, Jan, this was fabulous. I giggled all the way through! Though at my house, it isn't the Xs that are about finding stuff, as daughter is no better than her dad. I'm the only one. The rest of em are helpless and at my mercy.

Dorte H said...

"And yes, it is true you can't find anything." Definitely true, and so is the rest. In real life (whatever that is) I am a boring, honest, often quiet mother, wife and teacher, but I just love killing, cheating, stealing, lying etc in my stories. Creating characters who are very different from yourself is definitely part of the fun.

Julie said...

What a funny post, thanks for the laughs! I started giggling right off the bat at the first line. :D

Eve said...

hahaha! 'How 'bout that b**wj*b'!! I laughed all the way through this..it's true, it doesn't matter what your chromosomes are, one thing a writer should have is the ability to speak in other voices..even if you are writing about a rich person with towels and everything..reminds me of Groucho Marx, "Now off with you, and never darken my towels again!"
Loved this Jan, take care.

Marjorie said...

Yay for double x's! Your post today made me giggle!

L. Diane Wolfe said...

LOL! That's funny, Jan.

Bish Denham said...

LOL! Just tell those boys they're missing part of their genes and that we got the whole set, that's why they're confused and/or mistaken by things.

Faith Pray said...

Mother-in-law's thread-bare towels! You witty XX, you!

Jemi Fraser said...

Great X! :)

baygirl32 said...

Lets hear it for the XX's

Car Title Loans said...

Very funny X post. It is a little disheartening to know that their lack of X chromosome determines if you have an XX or an XY, though. But, here's to being part of the lucky doubles!
Ava