My life is in two time zones...

I have barn-heart!

Dear Readers

It was nice to take a break and ponder future options. I have, sadly or happily, come to no conclusions. Perhaps I will just post less, read less and comment less. I'm not sure. Isn't that a good statement? I'm not sure. I think I'll take a few moments to say what I am pretty sure of...

. I am sure of trees and their goodness...

I'm pretty sure of the answers to Toltsoy's first of three questions.

When is the best time to do things?

This first one is easy - now is always the best time to do things. It is easy to think of but hard to do. When I first wake up and think - now I will meditate for half an hour that is so true. But often, I don't. I think - no later after I've had my hot lemon and woken up a bit. Then I go downstairs and make my hot lemon and Hoagy says to me so clearly 'now is the best time to take me for a walk' but I say 'no, later it will be better - less traffic and it is so hard to get off the road with the ice and snow and besides I want my hot tea and think I might write on my blog now' and he sighs and lies down because he knows later is never as good as now. Then I think I should get at my novel - just an hour or so and it will be so good but no, I want to check my email and see if there is a new knit stitch on a fibre blog I like and oh, I forgot that I have to phone this person and so Now becomes never, or nearly or not often enough.

The last two weeks have been my alone time with Ron while the kids are at their mother's. I do know this for certain - we had a very heavenly two weeks. We cooked many delicious meals together and watched endless West Wing episodes and went to dinners and to Rupert's farm. We talked and didn't talk and it was most excellent.

I know for pretty sure that my life is in two time zones - the one that is alone with Ron and the one that includes my two step-kids. And it is important, I know for certain, to get excited about the two weeks with the kids as well as the time alone with Ron. It is important tonight that we make a nice meal and re-enter parenting mode for us and allow them to re-enter being our kids mode for them. It is hard for them and us sometimes but I need to remember that it was never their choice to have a divided life - it was thrust upon them so when I get impatient (and I do) with surly teen talk and being rebuffed when I'm trying to be friendly, I try to remember to take a deep breath and just give this re-entry time more space, more kindness.

I know for pretty sure that things aren't always what they seem to be. This skyscape is really snow piled up against the outside of one of Rupert's greenhouses for instance...

I also know for pretty sure how lucky I am - how blessed some might say - that I have time and enough to even think about what my blessings are - that I'm not running from an enemy or trapped in a fallen building, or struggling to feed my self and my kids - that I have an amazing family of origin and amazing kids and grand-kids and step-kids. That I have the best sister in the world who will sit on the phone with me for hours while we discuss dreams and nightmares and funny things no one else would ever get - and a brother that though lives far away remembers in a heartbeat what is important - and a Dad that enriches my life in so many ways with his intelligence and generosity - and a step-mother who is my role model in that department. And that I have friends - so many really good friends - that I can call to my side when danger threatens or celebrations need celebrants. And I have food - good food - and the time to prepare it lovingly and eat it with candlelight and the occasional bottle of good enough plonk.

Buddy is too busy eating her squash to pose for me...she is unsure of whether there will be more!

The photos in this post are from a visit to Rupert's farm...