C tells us that after a year
they've looked in her head and
"there's nothing there!"
we knew that.
Circus girl is reminded of the long green rubber hand we called 'Garou' -
shaken in her face to make her scream with laughter - its long red tipped nails always reminding me of mom
and I steal a few minutes to scratch the black rabbit's head - soft and boney
I am down on my knees in J's hall to do this
I am down on my knees begging, surrendering, beseeching the moon, the gods, the Buddha, the black rabbit perhaps
to please oh pleeeeeeeeeeease let us have one more meal together
and we eat... hen's bounty and salads - fruit and not, Mo leaves the sausages heating in the oven until we are all quite done but we manage them
She has listened to J's desire for NO bacon - so smelly and invasive.
I pretend to care but I don't
'god this Tibetan hot sauce is gooood.'
And D. get's underwears all the way from Florida.
I just want to have one more dream heard from
one more story of yesterday today or tomorrow
one more photograph around the table
one more meal chant - hurry hurry - stop serving, stop doing dishes - stop stop and chant
J will be in Mexico, D's ex and kids will be there.
M is leaving with Dunc for Paris so I won't see her again
And I could scream because I'm not remotely ready for this to be over.
And Mo catches me talking to the rabbit again
Let's go for lunch to your favourite person 'what's her name?'
And I, fragile with leftover killer flu,
and pondering the luminousness of this devine emptiness
say sure. I'd like that.