Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Here I Am

Here I am again. So long - longest I've gone since I started blogging many years ago. Why? Simple really - I'm not in good health. The good news is that there will be an end to this constant pain. I'm getting a new hip. The bad news is that I don't know when. I carried on with most of my intentions until getting back from our holiday this summer (three weeks - 9 thousand kilometers - my youngest son's marriage - an intense but fabulous time). I saw the orthopedic guy two days after getting home and I don't know - I just sort of collapsed. The news was good in that he said the operation was the only chance - so I didn't have to convince him, having already come to that conclusion - but maybe it was bad too because I stopped doing everything but working and lying on the couch.

No - not entirely true - I have been doing a series of digital sketches with short-short stories or poems attached and posting them daily on facebook. I do that without resistance every morning. I also wrote 70 poems for my best bud - I started on her birthday last year and finished up yesterday. I sent them to her as I wrote them so she had a steady stream of poems all year. It was fun and I think it is a good collection. I'm assembling them all into a home-made book for her now. It is exciting to go over them all and see my year unfold.

But my other practices just stopped. I cannot sit easily so I stopped my meditation. I think I can figure out a way to continue that but man when I stop something it is so solid! I hadn't missed a day in over a year and a half.

I meant to keep on sending out packages for my novel but I stalled there too. Can't say what I'll do - the packages are ready - just a little tweaking for each publisher or agent - but somehow I find it hard to get around to. I'm not working on my new novel so it is still there in limbo - nearly done my first shitty draft but not quite.

I'm drawing a bit but not nearly as much as I was - except for the flower folk I do on fb.

So...I'm really trying to practice self-love. I'm deeply deeply tired from the fairly constant pain. I just got some medication that will help me sleep at night so that should improve. I'm not depressed but I swung pretty close to that. I'm still crazy about my fella and know my work on the reserve is good deep stuff. The rest will have to wait.

If you've tried to hang in with me - thank you. If not - I get it. I'm promising nothing in terms of this blog - only that I feel a bit of September energy coming toward me. Who knows?  Here's a drawing I made for my son and Grazie's wedding. And the words
And she said I do and he said I do and all of us said we will. And it was lovely by the river and the trees said we will too.


Melissa Marsh said...

Glad to see you posting. :) I used to blog fairly regularly, but now I'm lucky if I get up a post a month. I miss it, but that's how life goes, I suppose.

So sorry to hear of your pain, but I'm very glad that you will be getting a new hip! I hope that will take care of things. :)

Self-love is so, so hard. I tend to get upset with myself for not doing enough when my rhuematoid arthritis is acting up, and then there are times when I think I am giving myself TOO much self-love by being lazy. Ha! I can't win. :)

Jan Morrison said...

Thanks Melissa, yep there are seasons and yet, I know I feel lots more joy when I follow my disciplines. So tonight, I will set up my shrine and begin again. Thanks for dropping by!

Liza said...

I think pain pushes its way through most everything, so here is to the time when you regain your strength and the ability to focus on the things that give you joy. I wish you a quick and successful surgery. I have missed you, too.

Margot Kinberg said...

So sorry you've been in such pain, Jan! I've really missed you, and it's sad to know you've been hurting. Still, I'm glad you'll be getting the surgery, and I think you're really wise to take care of yourself and be good to you.

Mason Canyon said...

Sorry to hear the pain is so bad. With the surgery and less pain you'll be going at full speed in no time. Right now, just rest and take care of yourself. Love the drawing!

Karen Jones Gowen said...

I've really enjoyed your drawings on Facebook, glad you've been able to keep that up at least. To tell you the truth, I blog so rarely myself these days that I hadn't noticed you were on a break. 3 years ago my husband had double knee surgery replacement. He'd waited as long as he could since he was nervous about the surgery. His doctor had said to wait until the pain was worse than the idea of surgery, so that's how he approached it. Since then we moved to Guatemala then Mexico, he walks without pain or any assistance, he can hike up and down hills. He is very glad he did the surgery, and also that he did the physical therapy afterward like a star since that's part of what leads to full recovery. Good luck, Jan! Go for it, and get a new hip and a fresh lease on life.

Yvonne Osborne said...

What a lovely way to end this post and I love the drawing. Good luck with the new hip. I, too, have been a sporadic blogger, though doing it for years, life gets in the way and there are many fish to catch and fry.