Monday, February 22, 2010

Dragonfly Mind

is it scary or exciting out there?

Today I have dragonfly mind. It flits from grass blade to earth to tree tops to dance above the frozen ocean. Taming my dragonfly mind is the order of the day. How do I do that? I started by sitting - meditating on my cushion. Then I came downstairs and had a good breakfast - made some old-fashioned oatmeal with a withered apple cut up in it and some cinnamon. Did you know that cinnamon is reputed to magnetize wealth? Now you do and if you're like me, whenever this thought comes to your mind, you'll be figuring out how to put more in your diet. I'm not eating sugar so it is a trifle difficult but it is very nice with a speck of good cocoa in the espresso pot. Then I started a wash and asked Ron if he would get me some wood for a sign that I want to make to track our comings and goings at work. And then I sat here and wrote a list. I wrote at the top - sit - so I could cross something off. Now I'm going to do that. Already, because I have dragonfly mind - or monkey mind - I am thinking - oh oh - but I want to tell them about how beautiful the apple was. No one would choose it - all withered and wrinkled but inside its flesh was sweet and firm. Perfect for cutting up and putting in to my cooking oatmeal. I could think and write about that apple for quite some time. I learned about the beauty of old apples from an aboriginal woman that showed up in one of my novels (True.) I never much thought about them before she fed one to my protagonist after quite a bit of chopping wood and a good long time in the sweat lodge. My protagonist realized how good it was and how she might have thrown it out had it been on her kitchen counter. So...I love to learn from my characters, don't you?
One of the reasons that I have dragonfly mind is because I have tax info to collect and that makes me anxious. So anxious that I will not say anymore about it. Except, less you think I'm some sort of criminal, it has nothing to do with me cheating the govt. I believe in taxation and I am happy to give the govt. money - they do a lot for Canadians and I am ever grateful for that. The anxiety is to do with my worry about doing it right when I have many income sources and so on. No more on that...
The other reason that I have this flitting fickle feeling is that I opened up a can of worms on Friday. I'm struggling with my own challenge and perhaps others are too. I heard from two people in comments and I had several conversations on the phone with others who are wrestling with the notion of heart work. I may have stepped on a cliff like the Fool in the Tarot on this one. Being the Fool, I will enjoy the view on the way down and I'm likely to land in a tree top to break my fall - we fools are lucky like that.
So what can I offer myself and maybe you this morning, in the way of the challenge? I think the struggle is worth it. It may be the reason we're here in this virtual room right now - gathered together to connect, to share, to encourage, to love one another. I will bravely gather my tax information, I will walk the pooch, practice my accordion, write some on my mystery and approach the heart work with great trepidation and respect.
How about you all?


Watery Tart said...

I don't think I like anything better than a dramatic water scene. It' because I'm an ocean baby. I prefer the stormy chaos on the rocks to a mellow sandy beach because it puts life in perspective.

And guess what. I am sitting here eating oatmeal with apples and cinnamin... waiting for the wealth to find me. I do include brown sugar... and a couple raisins... It's my breakfast of choice when I'm being healthy.

So I loved your meandering dragon fly mind. The fool is the one who gets to tell the truth, isn't he? And sometimes there is great discovery after you fall.

Jan Morrison said...

right - the fool is the first, really the 'before first' as it is 0 - the one with the impetous to begin the journey and the childlike mind to succeed - sounds like a couple of dames I know!

Faith Pray said...

Your heart challenge has launched me on a swim in deep waters. A good swim, but one that may take days to figure out.
What is my work here?
Staring me in the face are three sets of rosy cheeks and their father, who deserve a good effort.
What I struggle with is the balance between being all here for them, and still putting heart and soul into writing.
Thank you for starting this deep soul search!

Jemi Fraser said...

Great post - as a teacher I encounter lots of styles of thinking, learning, being. I'll use this dragonfly analogy from now on for some of them- lovely.

Jan Morrison said...

Faith - I struggle between my joy as a householder and my passion as a creative entity - I think I need to offer up both to the good - both benefit from the back and forth. Which is to say - struggle on!
Jemi - thank you! The dragonfly has long been totemic for me especially around the imagination and intention.

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

I'm gathering tax stuff, too! I did a wonderful job with my writing-related stuff, but I seem to be missing a DIV form or a 1099 or something. Bleh.

I love your approach to life, Jan. It just makes good sense.

Mystery Writing is Murder