I haven't been in somnia for about two weeks now. I don't know why. Maybe it is connected to falling out of love with knitting though that can't be true. I just don't need to be defended against my thoughts right now. There's a crack and the light is coming in. Spring is happening despite the snowfall warnings - the formerly frozen centre of my heart is getting all soft and ready for something. I still have the same lurches of thoughts - oh I haven't done this or I must call so and so AND yet they aren't quite there. They - those thoughts - are in the right place. They aren't giant and judgemental and telling me I'm so bad so feckless so stoooopid. They are saying like my mom's voice - calm and loving and sure - get on with it Jan. Clean up your desk, finish your taxes, mail those letters, pay those bills, make arrangements for poor old Betty (my car) to be fixed, walk the dog, write your words, sit on your cushion. No problem. Not YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL AND THEN HELL AND THEN TO A WEDDING SHOWER IN BRIDGEWATER - nope. Just come on Jan, one thing at a time. Do it. Take your step-dot every week to the market, remind your sweet-patootie that he is loved deeply even if work is light on the ground right now, stay awake for your clients and give them all the respect and love you have, keep on keepin' on.
So I sleep. And the hellish land of somnia is not visited by me.